


you'll find love in stranger ways

by turnerandkane



Category: Cowboy Bebop
Genre: M/M, Post-Finale, and i love the family, and i want them back together, so here they are back together, the finale makes me so sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-27
Updated: 2017-05-27
Packaged: 2018-11-05 16:55:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,862
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11017608
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/turnerandkane/pseuds/turnerandkane
Summary: After his confrontation with Vicious, Spike has relationships to mend.





	you'll find love in stranger ways

Spike wakes up on the Bebop.  
   
He’s not sure exactly what he expected when he passed out on the steps, but there had been a finality to all his interactions leading up to his confrontation with Vicious that made him feel like he definitely wouldn’t be back here again.  
   
But he is.  
   
He hurts all over, but he’s been thoroughly patched up; another familiar experience he thought he’d left behind.  
   
Spike glances around as much as he is able with his limited range of motion.  He seems to be alone, but a pleasant smell is wafting in from the kitchen, so he knows where Jet is, at least.  
   
He tries to sit up but abandons the idea quickly.  He can feel the stitches Jet must have given him across his torso, and pulling on them even slightly produces a sharp pain.  He’ll wait for Jet, then.  
   
Spike closes his eyes and sighs.  Back on the Bebop.  He’s not sure why it’s so hard for him to believe; he wonders if maybe it’s not that he’s back here, but that he’s back at all.  Maybe he really had gone to Mars not intending to survive; or, at the very least, not expecting to.  
   
Vicious is dead.  Julia is dead.  Even Annie is dead.  Spike’s past is now, quite literally, dead.  It’s a strange feeling, to have the ghosts that have been haunting him for so long so suddenly distant.  Not gone; he still feels their presence even though they’ve passed.  Still hears Annie’s boisterous laugh, still feels Julia’s warm embrace, still sees Vicious’ cruel smile.  They are not gone and he does not think they ever will be, but they cannot get to him like they once could.  He is, in a sense, free.  
   
It’s a new feeling.  
   
Jet grins when he walks in and see that Spike is awake.  He sets down the food he is carrying- three plates, Spike notes- and moves to sit on the table in front of him.  
   
“Morning sunshine,” Jet says, “how are you feeling?”  
   
“I’ve been better,” Spike replies.  
   
“I’ll say,” Jet says, “you really gave me a challenge this time.”  
   
“Could’ve taken me to a real doctor,” Spike says.  
   
“I’ve given you enough stitches in the last three years that that didn’t really feel necessary,” Jet explains. “Plus, we’re broke.”  
   
There is always that.  
   
Spike attempts to point to the third plate Jet brought out, winces, and uses words instead.  
   
“Is she here?”  
   
Jet’s smile fades somewhat.  “She’s here,” he says, “she won’t talk much though.  And last she told me she has very little interest in seeing you.”  
   
Spike recalls his final conversation with Faye before he left, and yeah, that doesn’t surprise him too much.  
   
“I’m going to take this to her,” Jet says as he stands up and grabs a plate, “then I’ll come back for you.”  
   
Spike tries to nod and once again remembers too late that it is a bad idea for him to move.  Jet chuckles and disappears briefly before coming back sans dinner plate.  
   
“I told her you’re up, more or less” Jet says. “She really doesn’t want to see you.”  
   
“I know,” Spike says.  
   
“She’ll come around,” Jet assures him. Spike is not so sure, but he hopes Jet is right.  
   
“You hungry?” Jet asks.  
   
Spike knows not to nod this time.  “Yes,” he says, “I can’t sit up though.”  
   
Jet gets up and moves to slide his arm behind Spike.  Spike braces himself, but Jet is gentle, and it’s less painful than he expects when Jet helps lift him into a position where he can feed himself.  
   
Spike gratefully takes the plate from Jet when he offers it.  It’s beef and vegetables without the beef, but he doesn’t complain.  They eat in silence, and Jet takes Spike’s plate for him when he’s done.  
   
The silence between them after dinner feels somewhat strained, which is unusual for Spike and Jet.  Their shared presence has not felt awkward in a long time, and it is the first moment since Spike left that he considers that Faye may not be the only person whose feelings he hurt.  
   
He should apologize, he knows this.  He doesn’t hesitate because he isn’t sorry; he is sorry.  Jet has done more for him than anyone he’s ever known, and Spike has done very little to return the favor.  He knows Jet doesn’t expect him to, but that really just makes it worse.  Jet has never asked him for anything except maybe his love, and Spike hasn’t even been forthcoming with that.  If he had died, he thinks, this would have been his regret.  
   
Despite this, the words “I’m sorry” die on his tongue before they can leave his mouth, and he has to think of something else instead.    
   
“Where are we?” he asks.  
   
“Ganymede,” Jet says, “I didn’t really know where else to go.  I don’t think anyone’s in any shape to look for bounties right now.”  
   
“Give me a few days,” Spike says, and is relieved that it puts the smile back on Jet’s face.  
   
“I think you might need more than that this time, pal.”  
   
“Nah,” Spike says, “I’ll be up and about in no time.  You’ll see.”

“Not too soon,” Jet warns. “If you break yourself open again there will be hell to pay.”

Spike laughs. It hurts to do, but it also feels amazing. To be here, on the Bebop, laughing with Jet- he didn’t realize until he almost lost it how much it would have been to lose.

“I’m glad I’m back,” Spike says, because he still can’t apologize, but he has to be sure Jet knows this, at least.

“I’m glad you’re back too,” Jet says softly, and he seems to sense that Spike wants to move toward him but can’t, so he gets up instead and lays a careful hand on Spike’s cheek. Spike raises an arm to try to pull him into a kiss, but Jet resists. 

“Not yet,” Jet says, and it hurts, but Spike knows it’s not unwarranted. The sting must show on his face, because Jet kisses him on the top of the head instead. “Yet,” he says again.

Spike isn’t sure he deserves the promise, but he will make sure Jet knows he’s grateful for it.

*

It’s several days before Spike even sees Faye. He finds it fairly impressive, really. The Bebop is not a large ship, and while Spike isn’t exactly able to move around on his own he is spending all of his time in the primary living space, so Faye is definitely making a significant effort to avoid him. He wishes she would give in so he can try to make things right, but he is amused by her ability to be as stubborn as he is. 

Finally, however, she miscalculates and tries to sneak to the kitchen while Spike is awake. 

“Hello,” he says when he sees her, and she cringes. It’s like a punch; not quite as severe as when Jet wouldn’t kiss him, but it hurts nonetheless.

“I don’t want to talk to you,” Faye says.

“I know,” Spike responds, “I deserve that.”

“You do,” Faye says, then sighs, “but I know why you did it.”

Spike doesn’t say anything. If she wants to walk away and leave it at this, he will let her. He doesn’t want to try to convince her to forgive him. If she does it, she will do it of her own accord. He is taking the same approach with Jet, and it is just as difficult in that situation.

Spike is bracing himself for Faye to leave, so he is surprised when she asks, “Was it worth it?”

He considers the question, because he wants to give her a satisfactory answer. He thinks to know if it was worth it, he needs to know what he was trying to achieve, and he can’t say he does know that. He told Faye when he left that he was going to see if he was still alive, but he doesn’t know for sure now what he meant by that. Was he trying to put his past to rest? Was he trying to prove something to himself? To Vicious? To Julia? He can’t come up with an explanation that feels like the right one. 

On the other hand, what had he risked when he ran off? His relationships with Jet and Faye, obviously. The sembelence of a life that they had built together. The only good thing he had found in the wake of his former life. He very well might have lost it, and he’s not entirely sure he hasn’t. Certainly it may never be what it was again, and somewhere in his mind he had to have know that when he left. Had that risk been worth it?

“I don’t know,” he tells her finally, and realizes that this is probably the most unsatisfactory answer he could have given her. But it is the most honest one.

Faye doesn’t seem unsatisfied. She nods, then goes into the kitchen as she’d tried to originally. Either she doesn’t find what she’s looking for or she was just wandering, because she comes back empty-handed. She pauses with her back to Spike before she leaves.

“I hope you decide it was worth it,” she says.

“Me too,” says Spike, and he is hopeful for their future as he watches her walk away.

*

As restless as he feels, Spike does not give in to the urge to test his limits while he is healing. He is trying to show Jet as much courtesy as he can, and he knows it has always been one of Jet’s dearest wishes that he take care of himself properly just one time.

When he starts to be able to move around on his own again, he takes it slow. He’s dying to ask Jet about new bounties, because they haven’t had anything decent to eat since that first night, but he doesn’t bring it up. He knows Jet has to notice his effort, becaues Jet knows him better than anyone, and there is no doubt he can tell how out of character this is.

But even after he has been back on the Bebop for three weeks, Spike does not feel like he has made any headway with Jet. He has spoken to Faye a few more times, and while she is still cold, he thinks she is beginning to come around. But Jet has been keeping him at the same distance the entire time, and it is more painful than Spike could have imagined.

He has avoided seeking Jet out thus far, assuming that if Spike doesn’t know where he is he does not want him to, but one day he finally goes to look for him and finds him among his bonsai trees. He looks up and smiles at Spike when he walks in, but whatever has been missing since Spike returned is still absent from his gaze.

“They look good,” Spike says.

“I try my best,” Jet says.

“You take good care of them,” Spike says.

“Yes,” Jet says, “well. They’re not too hard to take care of.”

“Unlike me,” Spike finishes.

Jet doesn’t deny it. 

“I’m sorry.” 

The words finally fall out of Spike’s mouth like they were never resisting in the first place. He wants Jet to know what they mean without having to explain it, but he isn’t entirely sure what he means by them himself.

“You just left,” Jet says, and Spike wants to apologize fifty more times when he hears the hurt in Jet’s voice. “I told you to go, I know I did but. After that, when you came back… You didn’t even say anything.”

“I’m sorry,” Spike says again, because he doesn’t know what else to say. “I got caught up. It felt like… It felt like my opportunity to put it all to rest. And you were right. I was only thinking about the past. I wasn’t thinking about what I have now.”

“Did you put it to rest?” Jet asks.

“I don’t know if I ever really can,” Spike says.

Jet nods. If there is any consolation for Spike, it is that he knows each of them understands in their own way why he did what he did.

“If I hadn’t come back,” Spike says, “I would have regretted that.”

“Would you?” Jet asks.

“Yes,” Spike says, “yes.”

Jet stands up and looks him in the eye for the first time since they started this conversation.

“I’m here,” he says, “you need to decide if you are.”

“I’m here,” Spike says, “I don’t know where I was before but I’m here now. I am.”

“I still need time,” Jet says, but he brings a hand to Spike’s face like he did that first night when Spike woke up, and this time when Spike tries to kiss him he does not resist. It’s chaste and somewhat sad, but Spike cherishes it and thinks it is over far too quickly.

“Time,” Jet says when he pulls away, and Spike nods. He will give Jet all the time in the world if he wants it.

But he hopes he doesn’t.

*

He thinks he reaches his turning point with Faye after they start pursuing bounties again.

They’ve always been most in sync out on a hunt, and they slide back into it more easily than Spike would have even hoped. 

They pick a smaller bounty for their first time back out; it’s been a while, and although Spike is almost fully healed Jet insists that he still be very careful, so they go after a minor drug runner en route to Venus. 

As tends to be the case, things get out of hand.

Their bounty is cleverer than they gave him credit for, and Spike and Faye end up having to puruse and intercept him before he reaches the astral gate and makes his escape.  They flank him in the Swordfish and the Red Tail, but he evades them and makes a break for the gate.  Without communicating it out loud, Faye speeds ahead to try to outrun him while Spike hangs back and tries to decide what part of the man’s ship he can take out that will be the most likely to immobilize him but not kill him.  He finds his target, then waits for Faye to make her move.  
   
When she pulls around in front of the fleeing vessel, Spike shoots out part of the engine, leaving him drifting in space for Faye to collect.  He catches her eye on the way back to the Bebop, and she smiles.  
   
From this time on, Faye treats him more or less as usual.  She makes no acknowledgement that anything has changed, and Spike wouldn’t have expected her to.  But she resumes teasing him and giving him a hard time, and does not object when he does the same to her, and it is an immense relief.    
   
Spike doesn’t want to risk upsetting the balance they have found, but he wants Faye to know he appreciates it.  He is trying to be a new Spike now, after all, one who lets people know their importance instead of presenting a cool, collected front and hoping they can see through it.  It’s hardly his fault he became that person in the first place, he thinks, but there’s no reason to dwell on who’s to blame. He has reasons now to try to be different.  
   
So he says, “Thank you,” to Faye one day as she is walking away from dinner.  
   
“For what?” she asks.  
   
“You know,” Spike says, because you can’t expect a guy to make dramatic personal changes all in one fell swoop.  Faye’s not the type to want to get mushy anyway.  
   
She does smile, however.  “You’re welcome,” she says, and Spike is glad that they can leave it at that.  
   
*  
   
Making headway with Jet remains a tougher and more painful task, as every time Jet subtly reminds him that he is not ready for them to be what they were before feels like a knife in Spike’s heart.  He does suspect, however, that the return to bounty hunting helps mend this relationship as well.  He isn’t sure if it’s because it reminds them how well they work as a unit or if it’s just because it’s what passes for normal for them, but Jet begins to laugh more freely around him and even make the occasional flirtatious comment that Spike has so sorely missed.  
   
One night they are sitting in the living area after Faye has gone to bed, reminiscing about their early days as partners.  It doesn’t take long for the conversation to become primarily about the endless number of ridiculous scrapes Spike has gotten himself into, and how Jet pulls him out of every one.  
   
“That time you got stabbed a week after I picked you up because you ran after that bounty when I told you not to, I realized I had made a terrible mistake,” Jet is saying with a chuckle.  
   
“Well that’s pretty rude,” Spike laments.  
   
“I wanted someone to help me out, not get me into trouble,” Jet says.  
   
Spike supposes he did pick the wrong person for that.  
   
“Why’d you keep me around then?” he asks teasingly.  
   
There is a pause before Jet answers. 

“I loved you,” he says, and Spike cannot describe the way his whole body reacts to hearing Jet say this, but he feels alive and also like he might throw up.  
   
“After one week?” he asks, levity now absent from the atmosphere.  
   
“I doubt I would have called it that then,” Jet says, “but probably.”  
   
Spike doesn’t know what to say.  Is Jet serious?  Does he really think he loved Spike so soon after they met?  He’s never said this before, and it is hard to picture that anyone could have loved him as he was back then.  He was fresh out of the syndicate, freshly wounded by Vicious, and playing even faster and looser with his life than would become his norm.    
   
“Why?” is all he can think to ask.  
   
Jet does not answer right away.  He regards Spike with that quiet intensity so characteristic of him, and Spike feels himself holding his breath awaiting Jet’s answer.  
   
“I’ve always taken care of people,” Jet says, “as a way of taking care of myself.  I don’t like saying this.”  He gives Spike a pointed look, which Spike takes to mean _do not repeat this ever, especially not to Faye._  He nods.  
   
“I like that you all need me,” Jet says, “and you needed me from the start.  You wouldn’t admit to that, but you didn’t have to.  I knew you needed me.  I liked it.  And you were- you are- so different from me, Spike.  Different from everyone.  When I met you there was so much life in you but you just kept almost throwing it away.  I didn’t know why then, and I can’t say I fully understand it now, but I wanted to help you.  You made me laugh, you brightened this place up, and you needed me, and I loved you.”  
   
Spike’s throat is so dry he almost can’t choke out his next question.  “Loved?”  
   
Jet looks him in the eye.  “Love,” he corrects.  
   
Spike feels warm all over.  He gets up and moves to sit next to Jet on the opposite couch.  Jet opens his arms when he gets there, and Spike clings to him.  
   
“Thank you,” he says.  
   
“You’re welcome,” Jet says, and Spike cannot believe his luck at being able to mend things like this.    
   
“I love you,” he whispers.  “I won’t hold that back.  I won’t be half gone.  I’m here and I love you.”  
   
“Thank you,” Jet returns, and Spike can’t resist kissing him any longer.  
   
They start slow but with intensity, Spike moving to straddle Jet and Jet running his hands up and down Spike’s back.  Spike thinks he might explode with everything he is feeling, and he needs them to take this to Jet’s room as soon as possible.    
   
It takes all of Spike’s willpower to pull away from Jet and stand up, but he immediately grabs his hand and they make their way through the ship to Jet’s quarters.  
   
Spike falls back on the bed, pulls Jet down on top of him, and immediately starts kissing him again.  He wants to touch every part of Jet all at once, and he is frustrated that he can’t.  As he fumbles with Jet’s jumpsuit, Jet chuckles and reaches to help him out.  
   
“In a hurry?’ he asks.  
   
“Yes,” Spike answers.  
   
“Don’t be,” Jet says between placing kisses down Spike’s neck, “we have time.”  
   
Spike tries to listen, tries to slow it down, but he feels desperate, and he hopes Jet will understand.  They can take it slow next time.  Right now he needs this.  
   
Jet doesn’t object when he rids them both of the rest of their clothes and reaches for the condoms and lube, so maybe he does understand. It doesn’t take much prep for Spike to be ready, and when Jet slides into him he thinks that it has never felt this good. 

All the tension that’s been a constant between them since Spike came back starts to bleed away as Jet moves above him. Spike feels like he’s been carrying it in his body and it’s all dissipating, and he feels so relieved he wants to cry. He must actually be crying, he realizes, when Jet wipes a hand across his cheek and gives him a concerned look. 

“I’m okay,” he says, but he holds Jet’s hand against his face for a moment.

“We can stop,” Jet says.

“No,” Spike says, “keep going.”

Jet nods and and starts to move again, reaching between them at the same time to wrap his hand around Spike’s cock.

Spike touches Jet everywhere he can; he runs his hands up his chest, across his back, down his sides. He feels like they can’t possibly be close enough, and he wants this to last but Jet is still jerking him off and hitting just the right spot on every thrust, and it is not long before Spike comes with a gasp of Jet’s name. Jet follows him over, and it feels like the world stops for a moment while they both come down from it, the continued passage of time marked only by the sound of their own heavy breathing and the hum of the ship.

After a moment Jet pulls out and throws away the condom. He disappears briefly to get a towel for Spike to clean himself up with, then returns. Jet lies down next to Spike and kisses him, and Spike wants to live in the moment; he realizes that he was beginning to fear he would never have this back, and the thought brings tears to his eyes again. Jet wipes one away with his thumb and kisses his cheek.

“It’s okay,” he says.

“I know,” Spike says, “it’s great.”

Jet smiles and kisses Spike’s forehead. Spike pulls him down to meet his mouth again and they kiss slowly until Spike feels like he is about to fall asleep. He becomes a much less active participant in the kiss, and Jet laughs at him.

“Sleep,” he says.

“Yeah,” Spike agrees, and lays his head across Jet’s chest, humming softly when he feels Jet’s fingers threading through his hair. It feels like the world has almost righted itself, and Spike sleeps better that night than he has in years.

*

It’s at first surprising, and then not surprising at all, that Faye is the first person to bring up Ed. 

“I’ve been thinking,” she says as they’re celebrating a recent successful bounty, “should we look for them maybe?”

“Ed?” Spike asks.

Faye nods.

Spike and Jet look at each other. It’s not as if they haven’t been thinking about it; Ed was an integral part of the Bebop family for long enough that their presence still leaves a hole. In the wake of his conflict, Spike had been focused on his relationships with Faye and Jet, but now that they are all more or less getting along as they were before, they are all more aware than ever of the empty space on the Bebop that still needs to be filled.

“They chose to leave,” Jet reminds them.

“That guy definitely didn’t seem reliable,” Spike reminds him.

“He’s their father,” Jet argues, “we can’t just go ask them to leave their father.”

“What if something has already happened?” Faye says, “we have no idea how Ed is doing. We could at least go check right? I mean. We could.”

They consider this for a moment.

“We could,” Jet says, “we could do that.”

They set a course for Earth with no further discussion. 

*

They realize once they have landed back on Earth that they are being very stupid. They have no idea if Ed is still even on this planet, and even if they are, they have no idea where they were headed when they left. They may well have set themselves an impossible task.

They feel rather foolish standing around on the Bebop trying to figure out how theyre going to locate a child and a corgi without knowing anything more than that are probably out there somewhere in the solar system. Just as Spike is coming to the conclusion that this is a doomed endevour, their computer lights up.

Spike, Jet, and Faye all turn to look at once and simultaneously break out into grins when a message appears on the screen:

HELLO BEBOP

“Can we respond?” Faye asks.

Jet types, and when he hits enter his words appear on the screen below the others.

HELLO ED

They impatiently await a response, which thankfully doesn’t take long to come.

ED MISSES BEBOP

Jet sends another message.

THEN ED SHOULD COME BACK.

Their messages are erased and one of Ed’s characteristic grinning faces appears instead. Spike isn’t entirely sure what it means, but he hopes it means they’re on their way.

“Do we stay put?” Faye asks.

“I think so,” Jet says, “let’s wait and see.”

*

It’s the next day before Ed shows up with Ein in tow. They hear them before they see them; Faye and Spike are standing outside watching for signs of life when they hear “Faye-Faye!” from behind. They turn around to see Ed and Ein walking up the dilapidated road near where they’ve landed, carrying their few possessions on their head.

Spike is shocked when Faye runs and embraces them. He’s even more shocked at how widely she’s smiling when she pulls back and starts talking to Ed. Maybe they’ve all become a little softer in the past few months. 

“Come say hi to Jet,” he calls down to Ed, and they run inside with Ein and Faye. 

They all gather in the living area and Ed tells them what they’ve been up to since they left. They found their father again, it turns out, but as Spike suspected it wasn’t the ideal life. Neither is theirs he supposes; bounty hunting isn’t really something you typically involve children in. But Ed seems to feel it is the better arrangement.

“We can always use your help,” Jet is telling Ed, which is certainly true. None of the rest of them are nearly as tech-savvy; Ed can find things out about bounties that they could never work out on their own. 

“Help help!” Ed says, and Spike knows very well what he has said about children in the past, but he has to admit that maybe Ed is the exception.

Maybe all of them are, to some extent, exceptions to a rule; the rule of Spike’s life has always been chaos and futility, but here on the Bebop with the others, he feels like he’s found the thing he now realizes he was looking for when he went after Vicious; he’s found something with meaning. 

Spike’s past is still haunting him; since he returned Jet has woken him up from more than one nightmare where he was back in the syndicate, or back fighting Vicious, or surrounded by the bodies of the dead. He forgets, sometimes, that it’s over. He gets the urge to run, to try again to escape something that he has now realized he will never be separated from, because it is part of him. He can’t get rid of it.

But there is this, too, he thinks as they all laugh with Ed. Not a perfect life, but a good one that they made for themselves; a life with a center, with a home.

Jet catches his eye as Faye goes off with Ed and Ein to help them put their things back in their room. He moves over to sit next to Spike and lays his arm across the couch behind him.

“You seem happy,” he comments.

“I am,” Spike says, and it feels strange to say that and have it be the truth.

“Good,” Jet says, “I am too.”

Spike feels light as he leans in to kiss him. 

_Fin._


End file.
